As I mentioned previously, I decided to take up some Zen instruction and I started (albeit slowly) yesterday morning with an introduction to zazen, or sitting meditation. I decided to take the course through Dharma Field Zen Center in South Minneapolis, with the intent that I would continue further instruction if the message I was given was at least somewhat close to my own understanding of Zen. I have no meaningful reason for choosing Dharma Field other than it felt best based on the available talks through their website and the message they conveyed through the internet. There are other options around town, but this seemed “right” in my gut.
I continued to feel good about my choice through the instruction period yesterday morning. As with any spiritual choice that can be made, there are a number of different approaches to Zen, Buddhism and Taoism that are promoted and, without going into great detail about my own perspectives here, there are some more dogmatic approaches and there are more liberal approaches. My personality does not mesh well with the more rigid and proscribed approaches to the three related approaches, so I was glad to hear a more relaxed tone from the center’s instructors.
It was also impressive, on an inclement, snowy day, that the instruction went on as planned, even though I was the only perspective student there that morning. I received a lot of attention during the instruction and I was welcomed by the center without feeling pressured to be a member. The instructor spent an hour and a half giving me instruction and didnt seemed bothered by the fact that I was the only new student there. His assistant was equally welcoming and attentive.
I’ve never been really impressed with meditation in the past, which is part of my hesitation with undertaking zazen as the next stage of my Zen development but, after the silence, I felt more grounded than I had in a long time, more calm and at peace than I’ve felt in months. I’m committing to setting aside time each day to explore that feeling now, to practice zazen. I am also committing to spending more time in their community, putting aside my own arrogance about my understanding and allowing myself to be guided a little more than I allowed in the past. At least once a week, I plan to visit the Center, meet the members and maybe have some questions answered that I have been unable to answer myself.
Maybe all of the recent personal turmoil in my life is what I needed to be pushed towards opening up to a community that I had closed off from myself. As I said previously, I have had some very negative experiences with organized groups when I’ve tried to become part of their community to learn more and I had long ago written off trusting any formal instruction with any group — only trusting myself to determine what is right for me. I feel less like that after yesterday, thinking I might be able accept someone teachings outside my own understanding. Without the problems I have been experiencing lately, I might not have made that step.