awakened at three,
dreaming, angry at someone —
perhaps at myself…
It’s a persistent theme in my dreams… I keep having a series of dreams, all quite different in plot, but the theme is this — I get angry at a particular person about their self-righteous arrogance. The person is the same in all of these dreams, but I somehow suspect that the person in the dreams is really how I see myself at times, not the person wearing the face in my dreams.
I think that there is a part of my subconscious that still suspects that I am a self-righteous, arrogant bastard, at times or all the time, and that part is trying to chastise me for being something I am growing to abhor by putting me in regular conflicts with the person I see as an image of that self-righteous arrogance.
All the same, I hate it when I wake up angry. I rarely can go back to sleep afterwards.
I want to tell my inner self, “I am trying, I get it! I know I still have a lot to resolve, just give me time.”
But I also suspect that inner self is the child that the outer self pretends is long gone. Not only is it a child, but it is a stubborn child that won’t accept excuses — it wants results NOW.
Smiling, when I read this…
Writing shit about new snow
for rich people
is not art.
-Issa
Time to shower, shave…. I have a feeling I will be in bed early this day.